The song: Do You Hear What I Hear?
The lyrics: A child shivers in the cold. Let us bring him silver and gold.
The message: In hindsight, maybe a blanket or a beanie would have been a more useful gift considering the situation.
The song: Run, Run Rudolph
The lyrics: Run, run Rudolph, Randolph ain't too far behind.
The message: Randolph? This reindeer family has more siblings competing for attention than the Kardashians.
The song: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
The lyrics: They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games/Then all the reindeer loved him.
The message: It's OK to shun others from the group until they prove useful.
The song: It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year
The lyrics: There'll be scary ghost stories and tales of the glories of Christmases long time ago.
The message:Apparently, telling frightening stories of the undead is a holiday pastime. My family always just played charades.
The song: Jingle Bells
The lyrics: Oh what fun it is to sing a sleighing song tonight.
The message: Is sleighing really an adjective? It sounds like "slaying" in which case Let the Bodies Hit the Floor would better fit the description.
The song: The First Noel The lyrics: They loooooooooooooked up The message: This song forces vocalists to choose between two unfavorable options: 1) Rhyme looked with crooked or 2) Hold that "O" for a looooong time.
The song: Mary, did you know?
The lyrics: Did you know that your baby boy has walked where angels trod?
The message: She conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit. She knew.
The song: The Christmas Song
The lyrics: ...to kids from one to 92.
The message: C'mon, does a nonagenarian really qualify as a "kid'?
The song: Deck the Halls
The lyrics: Don we now our gay apparel...
The message: Some phrases just don't pass the test of time.
The song: Little Drummer Boy
The lyrics: The ox and lamb kept time
The message: What happened to the rooster? Usually he has the reputation around the barn for keeping time.
The song: Santa Claus Is Coming to Town
The lyrics: You better watch out, You better not cry, Better not pout/[Santa] sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake.
The message: Santa's been spying on you long before the Patriot Act made it legal.
The song: Baby It's Cold Outside The lyrics: Say what's in this drink (no cabs to be had out there) / My sister will be suspicious (gosh your lips look delicious). The message: Watch out for date rape during the holidays.